I didn’t believe in God…
I grew up in a Catholic family, but I didn’t make a connection with God. I suffered through young adulthood with a weak moral compass and little direction in life. When I became a mother there was so much joy and love, but also so much fear and anguish. One difficult night I prayed for strength and comfort and I received a vision that was uplifting and personally meaningful. I thought that I believed in God before, but then I knew that I didn’t truly believe until that moment.
…but He kept hanging around.
I longed for spiritual community. I knew I was in need of more love, forgiveness and encouragement than any earthly relationship could provide and it was testing my marriage. The Christian Moms in the homeschool community online were so supportive and such good role models, especially the Proverbial Homemaker. Tapestry of Grace, a homeschooling curriculum, talked about Proverbs 3:5, the pitfalls of relying on our own wisdom instead of the word of God.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. (WEB)
That idea stuck with me. I started to realise that many problems in my life would disappear if I let Jesus take the lead.
So I decided to talk to Him…
One evening I took the plunge. Though I felt kind of silly, I told Jesus that I needed love and I needed help. I said that I was tired of grappling with questions and begged him to just give me the answers. He answered my prayer. I felt the most intense sense of love, safety and peace that I have ever experienced. Suddenly, where there was isolation, Jesus’ love filled the emptiness. I was weighed down by my decisions and responsibilities, but Jesus showed me a clear path and encouraged me. I was ashamed that I wandered so far, but now I know that there was never any distance between Jesus and me. I see now that what I can do is only limited by how much I trust in God.
…and I’m so glad I did!
I’m so thankful for the members of the homeschooling community online who share their struggles and encourage others to join them in following Jesus. Without them I would still feel adrift and empty. I also appreciate the active and friendly church in my neighbourhood. They do a great job of being inviting and positive and making me want to come back again and again.
My story may have something in common with yours. I hope that some of my readers will see themselves in me and, if Jesus is calling to you, I hope that you are moved to answer.